i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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