she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want a musical about memes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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