Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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