Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
