hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
