There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
