I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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