all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
