i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
