But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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