Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
