ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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