You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
