dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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