My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
