ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
