When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize