so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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