can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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