let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
