the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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