KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
