That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
