you traded sex for a burrito?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
