he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize