I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
