were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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