when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
