Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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