So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
