Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
