Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
