..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's JV to your varsity
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
