omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize