Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
