He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
