From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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