If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just had sex on a roof
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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