When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
