I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
