I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
