Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
