I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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