She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She told me I should be a condom model.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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