omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
