Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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