lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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