I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
