dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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