My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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