Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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