i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
