Betty ford says i'm here all night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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