ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
