i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
