Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
