i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
