omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
