We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
