Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
