Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
