Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
