Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
