whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
