I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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