My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
