I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
