remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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