she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
