The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
