in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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