I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize