I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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