Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
