the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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