Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
