You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
