If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
