i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
