My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
