I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
