I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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