i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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