His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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