Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
