im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
