i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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