turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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