Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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