I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
