So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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