You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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