every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
