...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
