ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
